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Patriots celebrate after the Steelers are “robbed by the refs” according to senior Ryan Morse, who is a die-hard Steelers fan. “Jesse James caught that ball,” Morse said. “We had the Patriots beat, and it was our one chance to do that and it was taken from us for what seemed like no reason.” Morse said “it hurts” to be a Steelers fan in a situation like this.

It hurts, it hurts real bad. I will never stop being a Steelers fan, but oh god it hurts.

In no way do I mean to belittle serious mental health issues brought about by incredibly traumatic events, but a case can be made that there is no greater psychological agony than living in New England and not being a Pats fan.

The (multiple) nights you spend watching the Patriots win the Super Bowl, you hear cheers of joy and excitement. I hear “Say Something” by A Great Big World as I just pray to whatever god might be up there that the same thing won’t happen next year. Then it does. Again and again until eventually Tom ‘freakin’ Brady has as many rings as the entire Steelers franchise.

We have six… and nobody else had six. That was our thing, and Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. took it from us. How would you feel if we hired Emperor Palpatine to be our head coach and called up Captain America to play quarterback. It wouldn’t feel too fair would it?

Imagine being a fan of a team that won their last Super Bowl in 2009, and was consistently denied an opportunity at winning another by the same team almost every year. Now imagine waking up every morning stuck in a giant cult all worshipping these monsters that steal this happiness from you on a consistent basis. Now imagine having criticism for these treacherous beings and not being able to open your mouth without getting stoned medieval style (hit with rocks, not fat clouds, you heathens).

To put it in terms some of you may be able to understand: if you are a Celtics fan, pack up your stuff and prepare to leave by April. Not only Celtics fans have to endure the pain of an inevitable death when the dust settles. You’d fall so deep into depression you’d never come out. And they’ve only won four championships. Now maybe you can understand why I’m past the point of depression. I’m stuck in the sunken place.

I will end this thought provoking article with a call to arms. I will be passing around a petition in the halls, “Pats, please, stop winning.” Give someone else a chance, because after all, sharing is caring.