What to say (and what not to say) to someone who is grieving.

Comfort is defined as, “the easing or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress,” in the Oxford American Dictionary. Great, but how does one do that? 

Grief is a sensitive state of mind. Emotions are erratic and unpredictable. Oftentimes, people would prefer to avoid uncomfortable situations at all costs. But, if you know anyone who has lost a special person, especially, do not be afraid to reach out.

When someone tells you about their loss, remind yourself that this isn’t about you. Mental health has become a very prominent subject in recent years. For a long time, keeping in emotions was a show of strength. This mindset has been questioned as depression is more widely taught. Realizations on social media have developed their entire accounts to how difficult it is to open up and express emotions. One could claim depression has been desensitized with our new generations, but apps such as TikTok have proven otherwise. 

Keeping this in mind, let them speak. Encourage them too. Support their train of thought without interruptions and remind them it is okay to feel some sort of way. Don’t compare your own personal experiences to their own, or try to “make it better”. That won’t work in this situation. 

Silence. Possibly uncomfortable, but hey, maybe they need a sec. Fill in the space with a reassuring phrase. “I’m here if you need anything.”, “You can always talk to me.”, or a simple “I understand how you are feeling, don’t be afraid to reach out.”

To effectively converse, you must react and be present in the moment. No words? Head nod, eye contact, something to show you are actively listening.