Art by Hannah Ellis

Being a teenage girl is hard enough. No matter what you look like, what you wear or what you do, you will get criticized either by boys of all ages or sometimes even girls. Girls have internalized the “male perspective” so much that now we criticize other girls for looking a certain way. Of course, this attitude is not any girl’s fault. We were raised in a society where people and body types can go out of style just as fast as clothes do. 

Girls, we do not have to take each other down in order to fit into society. We do not need to conform to the idea that we are all in competition with each other to be the best woman. Let’s do better. Here’s how:

We were not made to be compared

Women were not made to be in a huge competition to be the most attractive. For some reason, when girls become a teenager, we assume that we are all contestants on The Bachelor, feening for attention from boys. In this setting, teenage girls recklessly compete with one another by any means possible, including nasty comments and gossip. There is absolutely no reason for girls to do this to each other. Support one another by creating a community of girls that compliment each other so that they no longer feel the need to get attention from boys in order to think they are beautiful.

You’re addicted 

You are addicted to compliments. You are addicted to people liking your post, telling you you’re pretty, complimenting your intelligence. Other people do not decide if you are the ultimate woman. Getting 500 likes while other girls get 100 does not mean you are beautiful. What decides if you are pretty is yourself. 

I understand that it is tough to believe in your beauty, especially in the age of social media and Instagram models, but you need to find the value in yourself before you let others evaluate you. Compliments don’t make you pretty. Likes don’t deem you as attractive. You believe you are attractive.

Insulting girls does not validate your beauty or insecurity

So that girl started talking to your ex-boyfriend, does that automatically make that girl a (insert derogatory insult here)? No. Validating your emotions about your break up by calling his “replacement” ugly or any other insulting names does not make you prettier and will not make that boy run back to you. You do not own anyone, including someone you used to date. There is no reason to be mad at the girl who is talking to your old boyfriend. Stop with this urge to be mad at girls when it was the guy who was dating you in the first place.

Looks can be deceiving – appreciating someone else’s beauty doesn’t mean you aren’t pretty

Complimenting another girl does not invalidate your own beauty. You are allowed to believe that girls are pretty, that does not mean you are not. There are so many things in this world that are beautiful, like flowers and sunsets. They are nothing alike yet we still see them as beautiful, same thing goes for all girls.

Don’t chalk it all up to men

Men are all individuals with different tastes and desires. There is no one way to be “good enough” for a boy, and who says you have to be “good enough” for a boy? Men should not have any effect on how you view your body. You should feel confident and beautiful without a man having to tell you. A man’s preference does not determine what part of your body you should feel bad about. Take back the idea that attractiveness is deemed by a man. Yes, there are definitely the stereotypical boys out there who judge a girl’s worth based on what they look like. But why would any girl choose to date a shallow man anyways, there is no need to. 

Men who exclude the many other qualities that women possess and chalk them down to the way they look are not the ideal dating type. There is so much more to women than what lies only skin deep. 

If you find someone who wants you to change the way you look, do yourself a favor and break off that relationship because they are wishing for an unattainable dream, which will just add more harm to you. Find someone who accepts you for you. 

There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you don’t need to please all of them. Some like big, some like small, some aren’t superficial and care about what’s beneath the skin.

Being empowering and having confidence is not the same as looking better than other girls

Empowerment is not based on the idea of thinking you are better looking than other girls. Confidence is not built up by being prettier and comparing your beauty to other girls. To put your worth higher than other women because you think you are ideal for men is disappointing to the community of women who are supposed to uplift one another.

Empowered women, empower women. If you think you’re better than other women just because you value how you look over the value of your personality, you are not empowering anyone. You can be confident in your appearance without putting down other women. 

Beauty and bodies are skin deep, they are not your identity

The size and shape of all bodies are determined by genes. No one, women or men, chooses the way their body looks. It is what nature gives you, there is no reason to change your body for another person to view. Why should the way we look determine our value as a person? We have no control over what our mother gives us. 

Instead of fixating on the way you look, fixate on ways to better your personality and mind. We spend so much time making our appearance look good, instead of focusing on making our personalities appealing. Take control of what you do have control of. Strive to treat every person with the kindness you wish to receive. It is okay to have negative thoughts sometimes, it is all about progressing to be a better person inside. 

I know that overcoming insecurities and body image issues is difficult when you are a teenage girl. Especially when there is this idea circling social media that girls do everything in order to please boys, whether we are wearing too much or little makeup or wearing certain types of clothing. Do not battle your insecurities by belittling other girls and comparing your beauty to them.

Your value is not based on how many guys like to look at you or how many likes and compliments you get. Your value is based on how well you treat other people, especially other girls. Stand together and prove that beauty is not defined by who looks the best, every girl is beautiful.